Love Changes

I wanna know about the rush

The love drunk kiss, the bliss of touch 

It’s him that sits within my trust

He sees my fits and calls my bluff

& pleases me cuz I’m enough

But all I seem to know is lust because..

Love’s just changed so much

When did love become a wish?

Our natural state a perpetual gift

Pride lies & we hide deny n’ shit 

We lose our youth - straying further from our truth

& I don’t know about you but - this ain’t it

The signs we need - we plead we pray

We die with grief & live with pain

it’s irony - we’re addicted to shame,

that’s self inflicted but, hey.. 

It’s all just ego anyway 

The purge

I wanted more of him

My adore was him, 

no ever after - closed that chapter 

Moving backwards, 

tit for tat

But isn’t that just how it’s always been?

So I leave, though I say my prayers twice for him

& close my eyes just to call to the skies for him

I must’ve lived in more than twice the sin, lost his trust to lust,

& somehow he can’t forgive, or sacrifice his pride despite all the lives we’ve lived.

But never would I lie to him 

My heart’s reserved 

do I deserve all the tears I’ve cried for him?

I think I’ve died for him 

All for nothing then..

my mind is muffled it’s a struggle to stop loving him 

So I release my old ways for him

Including all the love I’d saved for him

Or would’ve 

gave to him, what a way to live

can’t spend a lifetime chasing him

excerpt -

Hit me when you’re home, you know I would be up

For now I’ll sage away my sins, so that I could re-up,

& when we meet up.. you know it’s evidence of truth.

You’re heaven sent - my temple is a residence to you.

Look into my eyes, it’s reflective of your skies

I open up to every touch, till you’re immortalized.

You get yours and mine,

Twin peaks our valleys reaching into places that’s divine.

I think I'll keep my distance from you

I'm in need of your visits, it's true 

But it's got to be, the god in me

That finds acceptance in you

& I’m sure it’s nothing more

Plus what’s the point of giving love

that’s always insecure?

Sometimes I see that realness leaves your feelings on the floor.

& now I feel so drained,

I desire something different

But your mission ain’t the same.

& I hope that you’re inspired by the fire that you seek

& awake what you’ve forgot, cuz though it’s not - it is that deep.

You attract to me, naturally.. & actually it baffles me.. But I change my mind as often as I write these rhymes, so don't you attach to me.. & I have my guard up so its hard for me to trust a lot.. plus once I get into it & start to get intimate, all we'll do is fuck a lot. & that becomes the basis of all my relations, until I've had enough because that energy is sacred. & you'll be out of luck so all you'll send to me is hatred. but over aggressiveness can lead to possessiveness & I don't wanna be captive. So I always reconsider, but don't be bitter 'cause that's unattractive. 

It isn’t him...

I’m still within this process of tuning into consciousness and discipline 

I’m accounting for my losses and been working rather hard towards resilience 

& love.. 

i’m at peace with the above 

I traded grief and gained release & now I see that I’m enough 

He could never be for me

I mean..

it’s me he seeks when I reach my peak

But when I sink my lowest, he leaves me be.

Karmically,

See..

Nothing’s happened, he’s my distraction.. to this loss, 
& at what cost, when still feel the chill of loneliness? 

It’s not worth the force of lonely sex.

& is home feeling homey yet? 

Death to worthlessness 

Another lover in my bed..

But it’s really you who knows me best.