How do I reach you? my existence is slipping through this plane.. & I'm gripping to these visions - if I didn't, then they'd fade.. i guess I fear loss in the source of my direction.. so I cling to what I have & just add to my obsessions.. by now there's more than I can manage.. yet before I drop the weight I'll just take the lack of balance.. with hope that it subsides, & still I will provide everything I've been denied, before another is deprived. & that's no way to live.. how can I harm myself yet be so selfless when I give? 

House Of Mirrors

I guess the truth is uncomfortable.. because illusions are safe, so when I spoke against hate, I became less lovable. We were on the edge of bliss, so what started this? I had nothing but my heart to give and yet I'm caught in a perpetual argument. & it pertains to growth, something that's lacking in whom I love the most. So is this why you're rejecting my affection? Feels like I'm dying inside, but thank God my pride provides the worst kind of protection. While in need of you.. & to cope this cloak will need to do.. until I get tired of swallowing desire.. since I get pushed aside.. & if you're expecting the questions.. my attention is denied. woe is me, I guess I'll never truly get you.. you give me parts of pieces, still I'm eager to accept you. & I can't say it's desperation... just my lack of forgiveness causing me to cling to this over-claimed hatred. 

Inspired by Tupac: "Love is Just Complicated"

You ask me to communicate, what it is I feel within.. I search for words to assist, but how can I express that this is what was best? I think we grew apart, 2 different hearts.. & though I was into you, this was difficult from the start. Now I'm contemplating, maybe this could've waited. & my anxiety's debating, saying I should've saved it.. But I guess love is just complicated.

Love

Is 

Just

Complicated 

I thought I knew my heart's desire, but I can't take it, I'm losing my patience & I could use new winds because I'm hinged within this fire.. "A" was wrong for leading me on.. Knowing he had a family back home.. & he was keeping us alive by sacrificing time, while she would be alone. He said he could put in all his effort, & she won't do him any better, so that relationship was severed, plus, nothing lasts forever..  So I was all he needed me to be, consistently.. But I began to see, "A" was just too mixed up with "B".. Plus "C" says he's still not done with me.. But I wish he was because, he seeks his gains by causing me pain, and overlooks the fact that I think he needs to change.. so eventually, I gave "A" back to "B", and unfortunately they ended, it seems we caused such an interference with our affair, that theirs couldn't be mended. & "C"? "C" needs to get a grip, he's losing his mind, he resorts to telling lies, & anywhere he confides, he says I hurt his heart, as if he didn't break mine.. He says it's my fault he & other women can't advance.. & he even rants thinking it'll cause them to believe him & me to regret leaving him, but I feel there's just no chance..  Plus I'm not infatuated.. & can no longer maintain this flame I created, & after causing all this hatred, I guess it's safe to say that.. Love is just complicated 

Love 

Is

Just

Complicated 

Jimi

We've gotta stop meeting like this.. I experience a gift on my psychedelic trips, & unless we coexist I guess these lips will go unkissed. I lay in disarray & put my thoughts up in the air.. with you as background music, it's like your tunes play through my hair. Why come all this way if I can't save us from the grief? and.. could it be just my fate to be contained into this being? I ask you if you're free & you agree yet you're confined, you said if I give up, it's like I'm leaving you behind.. then a force erupts & it's almost unexpected.. these instruments are bleeding, and the feeling is electric. I get lost within this daze, while I'm riding out your wave, knowing when this all ends, again, reality will change. & is it for the better? The room collides.. pool, darts, red lights - it's like this basement shifts into your era. Our interaction's interrupted, & another introduction was abducted by discussion. Why is it when I'm close to love I feel your presence visit? i stayed and  prayed to stars so long that day replaced my vision. Should I up my doses so this potency is stronger? & close my eyes, ride out this flight, & hope our visits will be longer.. 

The memory is fond, you brought stardust to my sight.. & now when daybreak comes I look forward to the night.. a wavy little trip that brought healing to my scars.. this vacation gave me placement as I skipped amongst the stars, & connected with my heart.. now I'm wishing for your visits the minute that we depart.. but was I just created for my own simplification? ..to recognize myself, perhaps, an act of desperation? I question meaning between meetings with the hope to try and solve it.. like why it moves me deep inside when you reply in comets.. or use force.. & do you think I'll navigate the sky if I comply with source? & when I search within & in the very bends of truth.. & I seek with sober eyes just know that I remember you.. 

Heaven's Ridge

My dear heaven I hope you're listening.. to my heart's desires hidden within the hymns it sings.. so long it's played a tune that's left me zoning and confused & after taking time, it seems it's crying out for you. & I'm not one to pick and choose but what I've seen in you is deemed the purest of my views. & the synchronism's strong with every day that passes on, so I think I'm meant for change in this place that I belong. 

Those That Know, Know (Part 1)

I'm a moving confusion, creating waves as they enter me.. adding contributions to this illusion, tryna make sense of me. if this is what I'm meant to be.. how can I limit this living to a third density? & not go out in flames, ascend my soul through rebirth & leave this earth my name.. this life like a game, I'm playing on vibration 'til I've understood its frame.. & I just want to touch these skies, within this pupil shift because the stars became my eyes. Maybe I'm searching for higher highs.. with belief that I will see it when the lost become the wise.

Those That Know, Know (Part 2)

& we rid ourselves of limit and let our hearts be free, I experienced divinity, and infinity was me... Will I make it to the most highest? & if I master mind can I shine amongst the enlightened? 'cause I looked into my future and saw the God that I entailed, I witnessed my existence and left speckles of its trails.. & saw snapshots of my wishes in manifested visions, & I'm facing resonation through these synchronistic glitches.. & somehow they give me faith.. that the dreams will be still be vivid through my living as I wake... from this deepened astral state.. & you reflect within my movements, in all that I am fused with, like stardust and moon men.. how sad, with all that I am - I'm only human. 

Symposium (excerpt)

my subconscious goes on missing you, but I'd rather commit to ridicule, than not complete this "we", & never find this me, that's within you. & ride out this life split in two.. I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna last so just tell me who to ask.. Or plead with.. 'cause he and I were once one, & I really still believe it. & it's no secret. I don't even know what I'm doing, but the fact I seek his union shows I truly need it... & this woman's worth on this woman's earth, cannot be shunned, & will not be run without a man as sun, that lights the way for this woman's work. & as this motion stays in tune, together we'd create the moon.. the essence of his presence lingers on when he's gone from the room, & if his love is in the air, then I'm inhaling all the fumes.

Forgive me for my mistakes I know I'm late on this letter, & thank you for never giving up, I hope you never give your love to someone who writes it better.. I don't know why I choose to do this, I'm abusive towards your uses.. my muse is using you to vent my pain & when I'm sane, these words are muted. I use your gift as an advantage to express my heart's demands &.. when I'm done, I'm on the run, leaving you abandoned. My expressions in these fonts ease depression when it taunts me.. I speak to you in secrets when these thoughts come on to haunt me.. like how it's hard to share my heart, 'cause people will only love me because they want me. & since they never claim their aims, I take all the blame, yet they always seem to fade when I say I don't feel the same. But you, you never change.. you cut me to the core and make me willing to explore.. then I use that same emptiness to fill yours.. plus you're always patient, in times I reminisce & I get pissed that I even lived within these rages, then when it gets too deep, I get weak & burn the pages.. my ink writes steady with a spark, when things weigh heavy on the heart.. but since you get me, you tend to trade the ugliness for art. & gift me codes in hopes that I'll expand, & meet this true command.. to teach growth, and touch souls despite my shaky hands. 

talk to strangers (excerpt]

...so I continued to explain about the way that he'd engage, his body language, & how his mind strikes me as the kind to always change. of course, nothing stays the same. & he wondered why it was that he seemed so out of touch.. "& well to me, it's no secret that you never get out much." He said I had him read and it stemmed from lack of trust.. & I assumed he had addictions 'cause the way he acted different.. I told him loosen up & asked what vice he had prescripted. "do you have time to listen?" He asked how I knew him so, & if there was something he was missing. "I guess, I just trust my vision, & follow up on intuition & you seem nice, but reply with pride, and too much contradiction.." My mind was truly flooded with plenty more things to say.. Instead I apologized, 'cause his eyes said he was fine before life made him this way.. He said it's ok, plus he's numb to all the pain he once felt.. But he hates this life and deep inside he was ashamed of himself.. All the while still consistent with each of these contradictions.. & I wished he'd face his sadness rather than just resist it...

What's causing all this misuse of power? it seems we're easily devoured 'cause these streets were never ours.. I think it's duty to strip us of our beauty by these mislead cowards &.. kill us with no shame even during day hours. & though I wouldn't wanna be them, & rather not see them, they get this pass, so I just ask... what happened to decent community policing.. ? Pat a pig on his back and he reacts and says he was attacked w. treason.. Treason? is that a good enough reason to use your pride to guide your sight? & forget God's plan, cause now it's in your hands, so you think it's fine to take his life? Maybe there's not enough cells to be packed in, or did intimidation say his boys would've backed him.. ? Plus you just saw black men judging all that you lacked in.. So you abuse authority against youths and minorities, then you call it war to ensure that there's no more of we.. But really you lack maturity.. and I'm convinced, it's common sense.. You use abuse as your defense, cause kids were cruel in school and you could use this boost of confidence.. So you confuse this rage with these dues that do get paid.. By another youngin slayed & to you the day is saved..