The purge

I wanted more of him

My adore was him, 

no ever after - closed that chapter 

Moving backwards, 

tit for tat

But isn’t that just how it’s always been?

So I leave, though I say my prayers twice for him

& close my eyes just to call to the skies for him

I must’ve lived in more than twice the sin, lost his trust to lust,

& somehow he can’t forgive, or sacrifice his pride despite all the lives we’ve lived.

But never would I lie to him 

My heart’s reserved 

do I deserve all the tears I’ve cried for him?

I think I’ve died for him 

All for nothing then..

my mind is muffled it’s a struggle to stop loving him 

So I release my old ways for him

Including all the love I’d saved for him

Or would’ve 

gave to him, what a way to live

can’t spend a lifetime chasing him

excerpt -

Hit me when you’re home, you know I would be up

For now I’ll sage away my sins, so that I could re-up,

& when we meet up.. you know it’s evidence of truth.

You’re heaven sent - my temple is a residence to you.

Look into my eyes, it’s reflective of your skies

I open up to every touch, till you’re immortalized.

You get yours and mine,

Twin peaks our valleys reaching into places that’s divine.

I think I'll keep my distance from you

I'm in need of your visits, it's true 

But it's got to be, the god in me

That finds acceptance in you

& I’m sure it’s nothing more

Plus what’s the point of giving love

that’s always insecure?

Sometimes I see that realness leaves your feelings on the floor.

& now I feel so drained,

I desire something different

But your mission ain’t the same.

& I hope that you’re inspired by the fire that you seek

& awake what you’ve forgot, cuz though it’s not - it is that deep.

You attract to me, naturally.. & actually it baffles me.. But I change my mind as often as I write these rhymes, so don't you attach to me.. & I have my guard up so its hard for me to trust a lot.. plus once I get into it & start to get intimate, all we'll do is fuck a lot. & that becomes the basis of all my relations, until I've had enough because that energy is sacred. & you'll be out of luck so all you'll send to me is hatred. but over aggressiveness can lead to possessiveness & I don't wanna be captive. So I always reconsider, but don't be bitter 'cause that's unattractive. 

It isn’t him...

I’m still within this process of tuning into consciousness and discipline 

I’m accounting for my losses and been working rather hard towards resilience 

& love.. 

i’m at peace with the above 

I traded grief and gained release & now I see that I’m enough 

He could never be for me

I mean..

it’s me he seeks when I reach my peak

But when I sink my lowest, he leaves me be.

Karmically,

See..

Nothing’s happened, he’s my distraction.. to this loss, 
& at what cost, when still feel the chill of loneliness? 

It’s not worth the force of lonely sex.

& is home feeling homey yet? 

Death to worthlessness 

Another lover in my bed..

But it’s really you who knows me best.

Life is never what it seems.

We always pay a price, 

what do we sacrifice for dreams?

Avoiding all this nonsense tryna keep my conscience clean

& I get mad at me, so I’ve been coping with my insanity 

But is it all for nothing? Destruction to my anatomy 

& though I’ve already hit my low, 
my spirit wants to grow

& master mind to conquer time through universal flow

& I’ll be tryna coast, instead I’m overthinking 

Sometimes I’m in my head and then I feel my ship is sinking

Is this only of the mind?

Or am I losing time?

& holding on the line while ego leads my spirit blind?

An Ode To Darker Times

So many lessons to master

For all of the people you look after

& no judgment ‘til the rapture, but honey, who prays for the pastor?

Changes made with laughter

To keep from crying, she’s dying

But who are you to try and ask her?

Times moving faster

She’s tryna see life with no anxiety 

But somehow it can’t pass her

Even if she’d let it, she can’t get it..

& she’s headed for disaster 

Is this the life you’d craft her?

She weeps her pleas, down on her knees

She’s an actor, by day, her smile’s plastered

Waiting for angels to grasp her

And free her from her grief, so she can release 

The spell life’s cast her.

excerpt

You’re giving life more than you had planned to

& maybe it’s not forced just more circumstantial 

Your fears are gaining fast, cuz winning’s in your past 

But if you’re steering from your path then you’ll always finish last.

Plus confidence takes more than having common sense

& if your heart can gain the strength then you can master excellence 

...Without having to repent 

though that takes many forms of love

& being open to the notion there’s no one you’re above

It’s puzzling 

You don’t know what struggle is

But yet you judge who’s struggling 

I mean.. If that’s what keeps you alive

Just be conscious, even monsters 

Are just tryna survive 🤷🏿‍♀️

Excerpt -

truth is there’s no use in keeping us alive

I pray the memories never fade & time can be immortalized

& forgive me for no expression of what you mean to me

my battle really was with love, cuz love had been so mean to me

But our friendship was endless and in that we promised honesty

& though I knew we wouldn’t last, in fact you always honored me

& for that I’m thankful, cuz I’m a handful, sometimes it’s save or be saved 

A smart heart, you loved me in the dark but that’s what really made you brave 

The visions, they do pass

& if you’re living in it, you’re imprisoned by your past

& no one knows it cuz you’re strong

You need to let it go, cuz you’ve been holding on too long..

So you should let it flow so that you can move forward 

& what to do will come to you, if that’s what you’re unsure of.

I'm growing

other emotions are nothing to play with

for pass time,

cuz i lack mine

but he sees me

briefly

through these deep stages

Phases

in awe of him,

i water him

he's teaching me patience.

grace and dedication

through battles we've fought

but he can't believe me,

that i love so easy, with no second thought

& should he leave me i'd be distraught,

lost

& at what cost, will i cease exploring?

he cuts himself

& peeps me bleed, seeking reassurance

through this grief

i fill his needs & still i say the least

yet he knows me best

& though my tone speaks dryly

i think highly - & love emotionless

Quote me

I’ll keep it,

Covered in sage 

Love doesn’t age

So don’t die just to bury all your secrets

Stick with the mystic

See between the eyes 

this time or miss it on this trip 

& question encryption within its existence 

& you’ll become the one 

To tell what’s been gifted

Two steps above love 

& if it is imminent

Get right with what’s frightening 

& tight with enlightenment

Love deserves your interest

life discerns - Your earns 

& this is a big test 

Reach and you will see

Infinity is infinite

There’s so much more than meets the eye

Patience until my vibration peaks and blasts its high

Then I’m on to the next, love is confident

& infinite consciousness lives past the sky

Now, if it’s something that you seek and you know that you believe it 

Then I know you’ll meet me there cuz I’m certain we’ll achieve it

Plus I was all at once, & I promised I would be back 

The universe says my name & I’m back again

& chooses to align me with messages

..That I’m greater

A profound wave layer

& I turn in your favor, your universal savior

What you seek is seeking me, you’ll see sooner, now is later. 

issa process

Forgive me, it seems I’ve digressed

It’s hard to see,

I’m blessed 

The way my heart has grieved.

Cuz sometimes it bothers me

With regret 

to accept 

That 

love’s just a part of me.

So pardon me for my spacious mind

The way each wave flows between space and time.

For my highs are where you are,

with my eyes to the stars while my mind is on mars..

Still I fear a displacement too though.

The galactic wars,

that my spirit has to spar, make my heart move far till it’s lost on Pluto.

& your mission, to rid me of this distance.. is to join me where I stand, but I rather be where you go. 

You know?

I’m covered in sin, from my ancestral kin & yet you wanna save me.. 

but until it heals,

I pray, 

& bathe in these sage leaves

What a wave to ride

It’s like I’m way too high

To escape or hide.. or change my mind..

..for the thousandth time.

I swear I do what I’m supposed to

Have lows, but grow too

I try to be more social.. & network..

But my thoughts consume my time

& now I wonder if I, should seek an expert?

It’s like my spirit’s been locked up & I can’t prosper 

& my heart’s revolting, cuz my mind’s repulsive 

& do I even have time to see a spiritual doctor?

Maybe it’s all nonsense..

& my life has been a bluff and I been losing to my conscience 

or there was no higher me

that was ruined by society 

& my fears aren’t alive and it’s all just been a lie, & I never really died from buying into anxiety

I managed to be stagnant until I landed in regression.. 

& lost all my former knowledge till it cost me all my blessings.. 

but bless him.. 

he’s unbothered and it’s showing. 

& for me it just got harder to move farther while he’s coasting. 
& that’s the motion.. 

cuz now he wants forgiveness..

disappear to reappear says he was handling his business. 

& it’s sad, cuz this reminds me of my dad, and how I grew to do the same.. 

so I don’t know just who to blame.. 

i lost my mind while he was gone, but to love him is insane.

your movements be so shallow.. 

but I see depth in you, how I tend to do, 

so cupid shoots me with the same stupid arrow. 

but oh my, perception changes just from pupil dilation. 

You fill me with resent, with my consent, so there’s no hatred. 

It’s not only you at fault cuz i know I play my part.. 

but i’m wise enough end this - spare the remnants of my heart. 

I was exposed for you 

but you ain’t do what you was supposed to do.. 

now I’m over you.

should’ve loved me when I told you to.

what a death wish, I was helpless. reckless thoughts was claiming my brain.. 

these lessons is nothin to mess with,

I guess this change is insane.. 

to dishonor, I’m no longer filled with shame. 

& I’m only looking back just to see how far I came. 

I used to play who wasn’t. 

just to stay within your grace and escape your “humble” judgement. 

I can’t despise the compromise 

or yearn for your concern on the way I live my life. 

plus I laid in your slumber, feeling under, beneath.

but clouds, thunder, and grief deprived me of sleep.

& that’s funny to me.. cuz how I’ve came so far,

& now my vision’s changed, so I see just who you are